Monday, October 17, 2011

MONDAY MISSION: GROWING BIGGER AND STRONGER

Last Monday we had the honor of Copil Yáñez posting about How to Write Like a Man. Needless to say it was a hit. According to our stats, and besides our launch giveaway post, Copil’s post has been our most popular. Followed closely by our Teen Spies introduction.

We hear ya, peeps—loud and clear. You want a guy’s perspective. You want the opinions and feedback of real teens.

We’re gonna give what you want. I mean, we’re going to give you even more of what you want.


MISSION 1: OFFER COPIL OPERATIVE STATUS

Status: Mission accepted and completed.

TOP SECRET transcript between Special K and newest operative, The Black Wiggle:

SK: So, Copil, you're officially a YA Con Operative. How’s it feel?

TBW: It makes my ass hurt. I also feel humbled, intimidated and thrilled. But mostly the ass thing.

SK: I hear they have creams for that. *blushes and looks away*

So um, were you shocked that we asked you to join us, or were you like, "These ladies are SO gonna want me to post all of the time after they experience my brilliance and hilariousness?"

TBW: In order of increasing reality, my reactions to being asked:

  1. Went all Hemingway at the idea, downed two bottles of Jack, trashed my bedroom with a hatchet and fell asleep in my own sick. Wife was PISSED!
  2. Suspected you were a spammer, was disappointed you didn't offer 'MUCHO \/.1./\.G.R./\., POCO DINERO, GRANDE--' well, you get the idea.
  3. Was reminded of a visit to a psychic last year who said “You will find youself writing a post for a YA blog and then be asked to contribute on a more regular basis. Also, you'll be killed by a meteor.” So I'm pretty excited he was totally right and. . .wait a second. . .oh, fudge.
  4. Felt all warm and fuzzy and really hoped I could live up to the standard the ladies have set and their audience demands.

SK: Yeah, your post was like the testosterone shot heard around the writing world. I think you started a revolution. Where will you go from here?

TBW: I am hoping it lands me a job at a Big Four auditing firm. You know how it is, you spend your whole life writing and then one day out of the clear blue sky, the accounting bug hits.

SK: *nods* Math is a sneaky and fickle beast. *glances around to make sure Agent A didn't hear*

TBW: I'd also like to find out what the YA Confidential audience wants to know. I am toying with doing an Ask-a-Dude column where I'll answer questions from YAC audience about any topic (YA, writing, who exactly IS Tommy Bahama and what kind of job does he have that he can wear woven belts and untucked shirts every day – you know, the big questions).

SK: I agree. The bigger the better. Speaking of, you've become so famous and loved by the YA Con readers that I declared you the new Edward Cullen. Thoughts?

TBW: Awww, I bet you say that to all the sanguinarians! But seriously, I cannot accept that comparison because VAMPIRES ARE NOT #$%! REAL! Although I do feel some affinity for Fat Vampire.

SK: Are you SURE they’re not real? What proof do you have? Speaking of proof, you do realize we'll be needing a photo of you in cool shades, right? It's a requirement. We probably should have told you about that before you accepted, but now you're in so, yeah, get on that right away. But don't worry, we won't make you wear lipstick like the rest of us.

TBW: Cool, I do have some nice, dark shades because the sun really hurts my eyes and for some odd reason I twinkle in direct sunlight. Also, are you saying I'm not ALLOWED to wear lipstick for the photo or just that I don't have to?

SK: Oh, no, you’re totally allowed. Maybe sparkly lipstick to coordinate with the twinkling? I’m sure Cutta Mutha has some you can borrow. She's our lip gloss ninja.

Anywho, we're all so happy and excited to have you on board. I'm sure our blog supporters will be stoked too. Any final thoughts? Besides the usual herp-de-derp and fart joke?

TBW: I really hope this all works out. I kind of see my work with YAC as my springboard to pursuing my lifelong dream of staging “Top Gun – The Musical!”

In all seriousness, I cannot wait to learn from my YA Confidential colleagues and all the wonderful readers!

Thank you all so much for giving fart jokes a warm home! Wow. That totally came out wrong.

SK: *laughs*

TBW: OMG, so did that!!

SK: *cracks up laughing*

TBW: You know, this is probably a good time to stop.

SK: *still giggling*

END TRANSCRIPT


MISSION 2: RECRUIT TEEN ANALYSTS

Status: In progress.

Our Teen Spies are phenomenal. They aren’t going anywhere. However, we ask a lot of them. Combine the YA Confidential critiques, interviews, roundtables, and missions on top of their already mega full schedules and, well, we’re basically asking them to be superheroes (which they kind of are, but even superheroes need downtime).

Some of you teens have left uh-mazing comments and educated us on topics and issues we otherwise wouldn’t have known about. We adore you for it. Now, we’d like to ask you to officially join us in our quest for world domination educating us on all things teen. And for that we need more kick-butt teens.

If you’re a teen and you’d like to join YA Confidential as an Analyst, we would love to have you. Our Analysts will help answer questions, contribute to trend pieces, be available for interviews, and whatever other missions we need teen expertise and assistance to complete. Interested? If so, please leave a comment with your name, age, gender, preferred email, and Twitter handle if you have one. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable leaving your information in the comment section just shoot us an email at YAConfidential@gmail.com.


MISSION 3: WORLD DOMINATION

PROVE IF VAMPIRES ARE REAL

WIN POWERBALL JACKPOT AND DONATE A FEW MILLION TO TEEN READING PROGRAMS

HAVE AN AWESOME WEEK!

Status: In progress (hopefully).

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