Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas!

(stay tuned to the end of this post for our Comment of the Week winner!)

Hi everyone, Future Santa here! I'm writing to you from the year 2032. Things were looking pretty bleak in your time so I thought I'd deliver some holiday cheer in the form of a peek into the future. A lot has changed since 2011, most of it for the better. Golf is still televised, though. Seriously, you guys mystify me sometimes.

In order to get this message to you, I consulted with some friends at Caltech, the same folks who developed the Bose-Einstein matter laser that teleports me around the globe on Christmas Eve. They warned me about potential paradoxes, like what happens if I tell you how the future turns out but then you do something to screw it up and instead of a snake-free utopia with indie bookstores on every corner we end up with a smog-choked wasteland where all books are Modelland by Tyra Banks.

I told them I wasn't worried about you guys remembering what I tell you and messing it up. If I've learned one thing about townies, you guys have terrible memories. Example? In your time, some of you are seriously considering Newt Gingrich as a viable Republican candidate for president. Uh, the 90s called, they want their dementor back.

Actually, the 2012 election is a good place to start telling you about the future. Spoiler alert: Obama wins. Romney puts up a good fight but in the end he simply can't figure out who he has to eff to get some respect from his own party. It's a total class move when Obama makes him Treasury Secretary. That leads to improved bipartisan support for the Big O and in 2014 you'll ratify the 28th Amendment which removes the two-term limit on the presidency and paves the way for a third Obama term where things really start cooking. Most historians agree his fourth term is basically a victory lap.

By the way, you'll also ratify the 29th  Amendment which makes marijuana and gay marriage legal (you combined the two because you figured the social conservatives would be too busy with their exploding heads to put up much of a fight). Rest up, you'll do some serious partying that Christmas! I move a ton of bongs. And I finally make an honest man out of the other Mr. Clause.

By the 2020's, you'll see record low unemployment, universal literacy, and unprecedented investment in libraries (which become the place to hang out after America's Next Top Novelist sweeps the Emmys). Books become the coin of the realm where a lightly dogeared David Foster Wallace will put you in a new fur (which, as part of new Wall Street regulations, will be made from harvested investment banker nut hair).

You'll also be happy to hear that all those dark days toiling in the word mines pay off. In the coming years, many of you will publish powerful works of astonishing beauty. All those trunked NaNoWriMo projects are pulled out in 2012 and revised to within an inch of their lives. Most of you stop being afraid of your own success and start being guardians of your lifelong dreams. You realize how much you've allowed the doubters and cynics to determine your worth and ban them from your life.

A few weeks later, agents start querying you.

I'm telling you, the future is awesome. People use semi-colons properly, books are the new “apps” and everyone looks better due to in-home plastic surgery kits from Apple.

Also, bees make a comeback.

So go ahead and enjoy Christmas 2011. Spend time with your loved ones and, even if you can't afford everything you wanted this year, remember that a few years from now personal 3D printers will make it possible for you to build anything you want out of repurposed dog poo.

Once you realize you can have anything you want, you'll only want the things you really need. For most of you, that's a sharp pencil and a blank page.

Enjoy your future! And Merry Christmas!

Future Santa

P.S.: In case you were wondering what agents want most in 2032, it's the same thing they've been asking for since 2005: please, no more vampire queries.

When he's not bringing joy to millions on Christmas Eve, Future Santa runs a pawn shop in East L.A. and answers to the name Copil Yanez. No one knows why.


Comment of the Week!

Each Thursday we ask you a question, and on Saturday we pick the author of our favorite answer to win a prize from THE VAULT as a thank you for participating. This week, we'll be closed for the holiday so we're announcing our winner early!

This week's winner told us about her favorite buzz-worthy book that hasn't received enough attention. Our winner is. . .

Want to Go Private by Sara Darer Littman. It's really hard to do an issue book without preaching, but I think Littman did so beautifully. The book made me think on so many levels: as an Internet user, as a woman, as a parent. It was graphic and unrelenting and hard to read, but also balanced and sentitive. But I made my husband read and when my daughter is old enough, I want her to read it, too, so we can talk about the difficult issues it raises.  
I really wish, in this day and age of sexting and Facebook and the way many people are utterly dispensing with the idea of personal privacy in favor of an online persona, that this book had gotten more attention.
We love it when books feel intensely relevant to our lives. Thanks for your great comment, Anonymeet! Please send us an email to claim your prize!

Thanks to everyone who participated this week! And check back next Thursday for another chance to win some fab stuff from The Vault!


Post a Comment

Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved