Friday, May 25, 2012

Ask-A-Dude: Grasping at Eternity Edition!

Hi, everyone!

Welcome back to another edition of Ask-a-Dude! Remember, you can ask your own questions using the submission form to the right!

Today, we have a Very Special Episode of Ask-a-Dude where I get trampled by a circus elephant and lapse into a coma. While convalescing at the Sisters of Perpetual Motion, my friends and family reminisce about all the stupid sh*t I've done in my life (like trying to steal a circus elephant). In this first clip, I get arrested for public indecency and learn the meaning of shame.

What's that?

We have an ACTUAL special thing going on today?

That's so cool! But I can still use the lazy Very Special Episode thing later, right?
This just in!

Karen Amanda Hooper's Grasping at Eternity hits the shelves!

Shelves? You kids today. They're cabinets with horizontal planks used by the ancients to store “legacy” books. We still use the expression “hit the shelves” to mean the book is available in bookstores.

I just. . .I can't. . .I don't. . .WOW.
Where was I?

Right! Karen's book!

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to your Friday Read!

Leave it to Maryah Woodsen to break the one rule that will screw up eternity: Never erase your memories.

Before entering this life, Maryah did the unthinkable--she erased. Now, at seventeen years old, she's clueless that her new adoptive family has known her for centuries, that they are perpetually reincarnated souls, and that they have supernatural abilities. Oh, and she's supposed to love (not despise) Nathan, the green-eyed daredevil who saved her life.

Nathan is convinced his family's plan to spark Maryah's memory is hopeless, but his love for her is undying. After spending (and remembering) so many lifetimes together, being around an empty version of his soulmate is heart shattering. He hates acting like a stalker, but has no choice because the evil outcast who murdered Maryah in their last lifetime is still after her.

While Maryah's hunter inches closer, she and Nathan make assumptions and hide secrets that rip them further apart. Maryah has to believe in the magic within her, Nathan must have faith in the power of their love, and both need to grasp onto the truth before they lose each other forever--and discover just how lonely eternity can be.

Soul mates and super powers? Yes, please!

Everyone here at YA Confidential is SOOOO excited for you, Special K! Congratulations!

Because I'm such a cool guy (but mostly because I called her at 3am and she was too drunk to read the caller ID), Karen gave me some behind-the-scenes Eternity info I'd like to share with you.

First of all, this is Karen's first self-published novel, something her publisher was very supportive of (her Sea Monster Memoirs Series will continue at Rhemelda Publishing). As Karen explained to me, she wanted to explore different publishing options and this story gave her that opportunity.

I also asked her where the inspiration for this book came from.

The idea hit me like a Mack truck several years ago while I was listening to Ella Fitzgerald's, Someone to Watch Over Me. It was the first novel I wrote. One hundred and fifty thousand words poured out of me within two months (I think five thousand were adverbs). I even traveled to Sedona with my best friend because I was so inspired. Years later, it's been revised (many times) and I finally felt it was good enough to share with the world.

Not convinced yet?! But wait, there's more! I'll throw in a free set of Ginsu Knives for every copy purchased here (and by Ginsu Knives I mean jackety-crap but I will totally think you have awesome taste in books!). You'll also find more info at Goodreads.

For additional details, more insider info and plenty of tickets to ride*, visit Karen's website!

In honor of Grasping at Eternity, today's Ask-a-Dude explores the concept of soul mates.

Q: Do guys believe in soul mates?

A: One of the earliest references to soul mates comes from Aristophanes, a Greek playwright and linguistic provocateur who was kinda like the ancient world's Eminem. Aristophanes (Ari to his friends) once called Socrates a “donkey d*ck sucking douche canoe” (although my ancient Greek may be a little off here).

Known for mesmerizing his opponents in free-style rap battles
Aristophanes also said people originally had four arms, four legs and one head with two faces. So just like my ex, Vanessa.

But one day Zeus looked down and was all WTF? and began to fear the power of the four-armed walking BO factories.

So Zeus, being a take-charge kind of guy, rounded up the eight-limbed freaks and sliced them in two, condemning each half to a lifetime of searching for its complementary other.

Lesson? Always wear deodorant around Zeus. Or just bring this guy with you.

The concept is pretty romantic. Somewhere, out there, your counterpart is walking around wondering “Why do I only have two in what is obviously a four piece set of silver Tiffany bangles?” Find your soul mate, bring the two halves into harmony and live happily ever after. Who wouldn't be down with that?

Midi-chlorians, that's who.

Midi-chlorians are fantastical creatures that exist within all great ideas for the sole purpose of ROBBING ALL THE F*CKING MAGIC FROM THEM!

After years of food accumulation, his beard is
basically a midi-chlorian breeding ground
In the case of the soul mate idea, midi-chlorians spring to life in the few moments after a romantic idea takes root in the male brain. They're almost like the male defense mechanism against any scenario that might lead to monogamy.

Guys only like the soul mate concept for as long as the three neurons in the male brain dedicated to romance are firing (about ten seconds). During that time, a male believes there is someone out there he is meant to be with.

But suddenly his brain floods with midi-chlorians. The wholly enchanting and emotionally intoxicating idea of being with someone who makes him more than he could be on his own, gives way to a completely irrational fear that his soul mate is trying to eat him. At this point, his brain shunts all resources to the dominant “I'm freaking out!” part of his brain and explains why a guy will start out being all, “Whoa, I feel like we're complimentary water colors in a Thomas Kinkade painting,” and then ten seconds later will ask, “Do you think your sister is down for a threeway?”

Midi-chlorians sabotage the soul mate concept because sometimes, like in the Star Wars saga, you have too much good, happy, wonderful stuff going on and you just have to piss on it so you can sell more Happy Meals and rule THE GODDAMN TOY AISLE AT TARGET! I mean, honestly, Mr. Lucas!

Woops, went off the rails, there. Sorry about that. I'm back.

I think guys want to believe in soul mates but I also think we're afraid to accept a related truth: just because she's your soul mate doesn't mean the relationship won't be hard work.

Women don't seem to be as concerned with this. Perhaps they understand it's a small price to pay for the potential return.

Either that or they simply live in a world that isn't infected with midi-chlorians. I bet there's no Jar-Jar, either *grumble*.

Super powers, though. That we believe in.

Congratulations, Karen!!!!!!

*I have no effing clue why I said this.


Maddie said...

Lol I think your posts are my favorites, Copil.

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