Hello, everyone! And welcome back to another edition of Ask-a-Dude!
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Today's question is:
Q. Do guys think tattoos are sexy?
I grew up with pretty conservative parents. But I was allowed to have a tattoo at any time so long as I came home from the tattoo parlor, packed up all my things, moved to a foreign country, changed my name and cut off both ears in redress for the shame I brought upon Casa Yañez. Tattoos were completely verboten (or whatever the Spanish word for verboten is - seriously, Mexicans have a different word for EVERYTHING).
Tattoos were taboo. Which meant they were totally sexy.
|Search 'sexy tattoos' and you get Johnny Depp. But get a Johnny Depp tattoo, is that sexy? Or just meta?|
I didn't start to see my friends get tattoos until I was in college. And the first friend I remember getting ink was this girl I'll call Carlotta, on account of that was her name. Carlotta came home one night from partying with her friends and, while holding up a wall and making bedroom eyes at a Fathead of John Elway, told us she'd gotten a tattoo.
|Throw me your love, John.|
A few days later, Carlotta called us into her dorm room and said she was ready to show off the dainty illustration that would flutter silently on her thigh until she joined the gossamer utopia it depicted in heaven.
With great anticipation, I watched as she pulled up the leg of her boxers to reveal. . .
THE. MOST. HIDEOUS. TATTOO. EVER.
|This image has been removed. . .to save your F***ING EYES!|
I learned a valuable lesson that day. Tattoos are the habanero chili pepper of the body modification world. Adding a light habanero marinade to your taco meat turns your tummy into a fiesta with a few buddies, some Marc Anthony on the iPod and Coronitas on ice. But too much habanero turns your party into a torture porn horror show complete with human centipede, Rammstein vs. Skinny Puppy on endless loop and nothing to quench your thirst but a glassful of the Devil's butt sweat.
My point is, a little goes a long way.
No question, guys think tattoos are sexy so long as they don't overwhelm the canvas. Chances are, if you feel comfortable in your ink, guys will like it too. But just to be sure, avoid getting them done for "mates rates," while you're drunk or anytime you're under the influence of unicorns.
AFFS, if you're going to get a butterfly tattoo, always take a lepidopterologist with you!
Got ink? Tell us about it in the comments!
Copil has a tattoo on his right butt cheek. It's an arrow pointing to the other butt cheek and the words "I'm with stupid." Tell him about yours on Twitter (@Copil).